I thought I wanted to see Avatar because: 1) I’d read about this fascinating new malaise called Avatar Depression, striking people as they leave the movies and realize their regular world is so gray and depressing; 2) I’d heard that Christians were against it, and if Christians are against something it usually means it’s my kind of thing; 3) I was curious about its anti-war, back-to-nature philosophy; 4) A friend had told me the special effects were beautiful.
My conclusions: 1) Avatar Depression (otherwise known as two and a half hours of unrelenting boredom) hit me about five minutes into the movie; 2) I think the Christians missed the scene where the former jarhead hero is strung up like Jesus on the cross, and escapes to save all the tree-worshippers; 3) Tree-worshippers about sums it up; 4) I think you have to see it in Imax.
The only good thing about it was the line: “We’re going to fight terror with terror.” It took so long for our hero to kill the guy who uttered it, though, that I had to stumble out early, past all the people in my row with their dorky 3D glasses, out into the beautiful real world.
And yes, I also thought I’d be so au courant if I saw it. I’ve moved on. Right now I’m playing “Words with Friends” (the iPhone app, for the less courant) with Diego from Florida.