How to become a saint even though you haven’t performed any miracles, in 4 easy steps:
- Devote yourself to your illegitimate son after your common-law husband leaves you.
- After he becomes Constantine I, Emperor of Rome, encourage him to convert to Christianity.
- Don’t nag at him after he kills your stepson Crispus, his illegitimate son, because your daughter-in-law Fausta, the emperor’s legitimate wife, fell in love with Crispus.
- When you’re 80, travel to Jerusalem and find at least one, if not all, of the following:
- the tunic Jesus wore on the cross
- the cross he was hung on
- the nails from the cross
- the rope from the cross